I have had the unpleasent experience of dealing with toxic parents. My mother, for one, has been manipulating my mind, words, and, spirit for as long as I can remember. I had to get enough strength within myself to leave her alone for good. She does not mean me well on any level. I have done the act of cutting her off but somehow my circumstances fueled by her has lead me back to her. I did not want to go back, but I knew deep down inside it would a lot worse if I went back. I felt as if I had no one to turn to. I in a sense felt as if I were groomed to attract people who are narcissistic. It seems no matter where I turned I was surrounded by people who were just like her. I felt in my heart she needs to be exposed for who she really is. I am so fed up with the constant mistreatment by her, as well as the people within the family she has turned against me. Now, all I know is writing so I have to turn inward and focus on the one gift I was given no one not even my mother can take it away from me.

My mother has lied to me so much it is really hard for me to believe what she says. In my warped mind I believe everyone is lying to me, or could it be that my senses are so fine tuned to detect a lie. It may just be that my mother has lied to me so much I can instantly detect when she is not genuine about anything. When I was little I could always tell something was off with the dynamic of my family. At the age of 7 I confronted my mother about it and she told me to shut up. The invalidation of it all provided me with the confirmation I needed to see that the something I could not exactly pin point or describe was off in my adolesent mind.

My dad on the other hand is the same way. He invalidates me by bringing up my grandmother praising my twin siste accomplishments like I was invisible or invalid. My mother and father were two people of the same kind who met up with one another and happen to have children together. The man I know as my sperm donor has not actively been a part of my life. It was all done by design I really feel. My father says one thing about their dating but my mother says something else. I think they don’t want to tell the real story of what happened. I guess its best I not know and carry on about my life. I thank God he gave me toxic parents to see that there needed to be a change in my life as well as my mental health. Growing up in a toxic home where I was constantly lied to reeked havoc on my mental health. I’m super happy I decided to step away and design my own mental health. I pride myself on leaving and getting out of dodge. It needed to be done. I’m never going back. I love myself too much to put myself through hell in such a way. Toxic parents deserve what they give.