I have an invisible and strong belief in everything I devote my time and energy to will work out for me. I am the only person designed to do what I can. I was put on earth to carry out my mission of improving the mental health of others. As well as, do what I believe is right for me and my mental health at all times. I have to deeply trust in myself as well as the universe that everything is going to work out. I can’t have an ounce of fear. I rather have pain of success over the pain of regrets as the motivational speaker said in a poem before the start of virtual school day. I was thinking to myself he is right. It leads me to how I started this blog on a humbug and began to write on a weekly basis. I said, I don’t care if I reach just one person, I’m doing it.

I began by making small changes with the way I ate, thought, and how I spent my time. In a span of four months, I have made major changes in my life because I wanted to do so. I put in the work. I did not mention it to anyone I was going to do so. They just noticed I was not doing the same things. I’m leading by example and letting my actions do the speaking for me. My voice is too delicate to speak to brick wall mentalities.

I am on a new mission in my life, to improve the mental health of the world one person at a time. My mission came to me by an experience I had with my own mental health. I was not addressing it properly, so it addressed me. My blood pressure was through the roof and I could not sleep. I was also lying to myself about my life being okay with the people I surrounded myself with. My family, friends, and co-workers were all toxic. My body made the choice and took me away from most of the toxic people I was around. I ended up in the care of my best friend at the time who was very toxic. Looking back, I believe her plan was to take me down by any means necessary to carry out her evil deeds. She kept me in the house away from sunshine and experiences. I believe she is a narcissist of every kind. When I escaped from her ball and chain like clutches, I was put on a personal mission by the universe to improve the mental health of others who need help. I had to listen and pay attention to the universe.

To me, I have to be in solitude to regain, my energy, clarity, and recharge. I have had a series of events happen to me to where I came to this realization. Mainly, being around family, so called friends, and co- workers. This has all taught me to protect my energy at all cost. Having blind trust in my mission to help others with their mental health is my negative turned into a positive. Somehow it will reach one person and help them. This is all the faith I need to carry me through. Thank you for reading.

I woke up today with the intent to stick to my plan of honoring myself no matter how it made anyone feel. My life is just that mine. I went to the dentist to get a teeth cleaning, and the woman who cleaned my teeth was so sweet and comforting. While I was lying in her chair, I had the overwhelming urge to fall asleep. I let the dental assistant know she had the ability to make people fall asleep in her company. She said, “It must be my super power.” I said, yes it is. She told me the kids at the dental clinic she used to work at would fall asleep while they were in the waiting area. I said, “Orbs, must shoot off of you and make people relax. She laughed and said, her dad was falling asleep while he was in her chair as well. She also mentioned, it was hard for her to fall asleep. Being the helpful person that I am, I began to mention the Dr. Teals Epsom Salt line that is specially designed to help you relax and fall asleep. I also mentioned the lavender tea I drink and the melatonin I take at night to help me go to sleep. She took all things into consideration and told me she was going to get some of those things today.

I felt the interaction with the dental assistant was universal confirmation I am on the right track of being who the universe designed me to be, and playing my part. I am happy I made my appointment to get my teeth cleaned at that time today. I was able to see and feel I was in the right place at the right time. I had the most pleasent experience today and I would not have had that had I not been open to receive.

Universal confirmations are all I need to go about my day and be the best version of myself. I am not sure what the next step is or where I may be lead to but I just have to have blind trust at times and the faith of a mustard seed that all things are going to work out. I can only really please myself and do what I was put on this earth to do with no apologies. Thank you for reading.

For as long as I can remember there have been people around me who wanted to hinder my progress. It was almost as if my progress hurt their soul to the white meat. I did not realize it at the time but looking back it seems as if they were not okay with the progress I was making or what I was capable of doing. This became apparent to me when I would try to get off of the phone this particular person would try to hem me up so I would be on the phone with them a little while longer. It made me feel like it was not okay with them, for me, to do my own thing, attend to my own needs, or have a thought for myself. It got to the point where this so called friend did not want me to advance any further in my life more than where they were. I decided I would give them any warning when I was going to cut off the friendship. It was unbearable, because I was being held captive by someone who did not want me to reach my greatest potential.

Looking back, I can remember when I was in the 5th grade a person who claimed to be my friend took a classmates word processor and hid it in my desk. While we were in gym class this so called friend told me she hid it in my desk. At the time, I did not know what to say or do because it was a huge mess. The guidance counselor automatically blamed it on my sister and addressed her about it. I kept my mouth shut because it was all out of control. Until this very day, I no longer speak with the person who did that to me. There were several instances that showed me this person hated my soul because they were not me. The incident was also a lesson for me to stay away from people like that.

I recently had to make a tough decision to stop speaking to family members because they too did not want to see me get to my full potential. I just decided to stop caring about being in a toxic family and started to care about loving myself to the depths and the core. I decided was going to heal myself.

The sabotaging spirits I encountered taught me focus on myself. Them toxic people in my life focused on causing me harm to the point where it was psychological. As a result, I am not going to allow myself to be in a relationship, friendship or with a family member who does not value me. No more I say no more.

I have had the unpleasent experience of dealing with toxic parents. My mother, for one, has been manipulating my mind, words, and, spirit for as long as I can remember. I had to get enough strength within myself to leave her alone for good. She does not mean me well on any level. I have done the act of cutting her off but somehow my circumstances fueled by her has lead me back to her. I did not want to go back, but I knew deep down inside it would a lot worse if I went back. I felt as if I had no one to turn to. I in a sense felt as if I were groomed to attract people who are narcissistic. It seems no matter where I turned I was surrounded by people who were just like her. I felt in my heart she needs to be exposed for who she really is. I am so fed up with the constant mistreatment by her, as well as the people within the family she has turned against me. Now, all I know is writing so I have to turn inward and focus on the one gift I was given no one not even my mother can take it away from me.

My mother has lied to me so much it is really hard for me to believe what she says. In my warped mind I believe everyone is lying to me, or could it be that my senses are so fine tuned to detect a lie. It may just be that my mother has lied to me so much I can instantly detect when she is not genuine about anything. When I was little I could always tell something was off with the dynamic of my family. At the age of 7 I confronted my mother about it and she told me to shut up. The invalidation of it all provided me with the confirmation I needed to see that the something I could not exactly pin point or describe was off in my adolesent mind.

My dad on the other hand is the same way. He invalidates me by bringing up my grandmother praising my twin siste accomplishments like I was invisible or invalid. My mother and father were two people of the same kind who met up with one another and happen to have children together. The man I know as my sperm donor has not actively been a part of my life. It was all done by design I really feel. My father says one thing about their dating but my mother says something else. I think they don’t want to tell the real story of what happened. I guess its best I not know and carry on about my life. I thank God he gave me toxic parents to see that there needed to be a change in my life as well as my mental health. Growing up in a toxic home where I was constantly lied to reeked havoc on my mental health. I’m super happy I decided to step away and design my own mental health. I pride myself on leaving and getting out of dodge. It needed to be done. I’m never going back. I love myself too much to put myself through hell in such a way. Toxic parents deserve what they give.

I decided at this point in my life nothing is going to happen for me unless I put the pedal to the metal and do it myself. I decided I am going to define my own destiny as Lauryn Hill said in her first solo album. There were a lot of friendships I had to let go of in order to elevate to the next level in my life. In the beginningn I contemplated how I should go about it, or even second guessed my intuition. As I began to gain confidence, my first mind told me to let go of unhealthy people and things became easier and easier. I had to totally trust myself and not rely on the advice of anyone except myself. I used my logical mind as well as a system of giving people 100% trust until it got down to 60%. If anything was done for me to lose trust I took of 10%. Eventually their grade may have dropped to failing a “D” rating in the trust area. I got that advice from a you tuber I watch from time to time. Tren Genius.

I have decided to implement this system with anything that does not serve my well being. It has done me wonders. I am certainly not trying to be a part of a persons life if they have clearly shown me I do not have a place. At all times I have to protect my well being and mental health. This is what I used to elevate my status in life.

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As I sit here today I have to be thankful for the little things first and foremost. I am grateful to have been woken up this morning. It’s a chance for me to start fresh all over again. I had to thank the creator for giving me another day to get it right. The universe is so intelligent it knows my heart and I am glad it chose to give me another day to make a better choice. As I go along in my journey, I am happy for the good, bad, and the ugly. I have had the chance to sit back and reflect on things that have made me the person I am today. No matter what I had gone through it had brought me to a place where I am able to have so much more peace in my life. I thank the heavens.

I had a chance to reflect on where I have come from and not dwell on the past in a negative way. I could not be happier for making the choice to treat myself a lot better than what I had been doing. I was doing myself a disservice by allowing my spirit to entertain negative energy. I had to cut it all out and make a tough choice to not tolerate it at all from anyone. It did not matter to me who it was. I decided I did not want to put myself in a situation to absorb any of it. I have to reward myself in some small way for making the right choice for me. I did not have to okay the choice with anyone but myself because I was the only one who had to be okay with it. I go with how my spirit feels and no one can put themselves in my shoes to feel the way I do. A person could sympathize with how I feel. Its no ones decision to make but mine at the end of the day. If I allow someone to make the choice for me they could potentially steer me down the wrong road. I have learned this from prior experience. I have to do what is best for me at all times.

I am thankful I get another chance to feel my feet hit the floor and breathe the fresh air outside. There were some who did not get a chance to do so. I am six feet above the ground and I am thankful if my words touched at least one soul today. I do not have to ask permission to be happy or thankful for having understanding and wisdom. I am thankful for the little things.

I’ve always heard its a marathon and not a sprint. Now, at this age in my life I can clearly see why. When I was younger I felt like I had to hurry up and do things. I can truly understand why to move at a turtle’s pace. The reason being is. I plan to be here for a while and not a little bit. I have made the mistake of having three jobs at one time and burning myself out before I was even established. Since then, I have learned to take my time and go slow.

My time is spent raising my education level when it comes to establishing myself for years to come. I have always been taught to go to school so I can get a good paying job and never to go into business for myself. Now that I am a little older and wiser I have come a little closer to not wanting to work so hard and having more passive income. I want my money to be working for me instead of me working for it. I have come to the conclusion I need to use my brain instead of working my body so hard on a job to get ahead in my life. As time has went on, I see that the body is breaking down, however, I want my mind to be working for me in an efficient way to make me money to pay my bills.

In some way shape of form I am going to have to lay out a long term plan to get more income and make my money work for me. I am capable of doing so. I believe I can do it. I can make difference. Its up to me to make a change to improve my life and do something for myself to set up my family for generations to come. My goal is to make this happen. So I’m moving at a turtles pace to win the race.

There were so many times I was asked by thyself to believe in me. I got these confirmations from my feelings. Which I am starting to rely more and more everyday. Feelings are there for me to carve out my path in my life. It does not matter what the feelings are, they are simply there for me to recognize them and to never have to justify them or explain them to anyone. They are just that my feelings. I have been caught up in the rabbit hole in certain instances of explaining myself to a so-called friend or family member. In my experience, this was the first person to invalidate my feelings even though I may have not been wanting any feedback. I just needed a listening ear. In that instant, the thoughts would cross my mind to believe my own feelings and not express them to anyone. For whatever reason the person who I was sharing my feelings with may have believed in their mind I was not entitled to feel the things I was expressing. I also learned some people shy away from their feelings and do not acknowledge their own.

Also in expressing feelings, I have experienced so called friends, or trusted people of the community. attempt to give me advice that did not serve me in any way. In that moment, it let me know the person was not to be trusted with good news, or even advice when it came to sharing any kind of info. In sharing those feelings, it let me know the person was jealous of the way I derived at conclusions and wanted me to need their less than helpful advice to keep me in a bad situation.

This lesson had been presented to me on several occasions until I got the blessing in the lesson. Feelings are not for you to share with people who do not trust their own feelings. It does not matter if the person is a close family member, family friend, pastor, or even a teacher, anyone is liable to give bad advice. The blessing in the lesson is to always trust my feelings, gut, intuition, or discernment. Whatever I may feel in the moment below the surface despite what I am being told from a persons mouth, I have to believe what my spirit is telling me in the moment. It comes trough in the moment for a reason, so my job is to trust it and let it be my guide. Believe.

Today was the first day I decided to promote and reinvest in…Thyself. I went to a real estate seminar on how to be a fortune builder. I found the class to be very beneficial toward building success and achieving any goal I wanted. Even though the avenue I want to travel down may not be the one to take me there, I can travel a different way and still reach any goal I want to achieve. As I look back on my life, I have had a lot of set backs. From what I understand the setbacks are a set up for a come up. It may not be the time frame in which I desired to achieve the goal, however I can still do it with hard work and dedication. This philosophy applies to anything anyone does in life.

During the seminar, I had been amazed at the information that was being given for free. I ate it up. I did not realize how hungry my brain was. I had been considering home ownership for a while. However there have been certain barriers placed against me. This seminar was a great starting point to achieving my dreams of home ownership. Although, it is not the way I originally planned to obtain the dream, it is an avenue to getting there.

During the seminar, I learned so many different things in a compact amount of time. I was in awe of the information not being told to me. I learned about passive, active, and interest income. These were all things I have never learned in an art, or advertising class in college. As a person who wants to achieve much more than home ownership, I thought this was a great way to promote thyself, and get out of the house during a pandemic to work on a long term personal goal, and meet new people. I am glad I decided to wake up early and do something that would benefit myself and not the bottom line for a cooperation I work for. All in all, I am glad I took the time to invest in myself. I see it as a win win across the board. I am super happy I made the choice to promote thyself.

I decided today on a whim, I was going to get a trim and a silk press on my hair. I just went with what my spirit told me to do, and it said to pamper thyself today. I made an appointment by phone, with very sweet lady whose name started with the same initial as mine. When I arrivved, I was very magnetized to her spirit, and felt very comfortable as I sat down at the shampoo bowl. I started off with the usual hello how are you today. The normal greetings some people are happy to genuinely receive during the times of Covid. As she began to wash my hair I almost feel asleep as she massaged my scalp with the sweetest smelling shampoo I’d ever smelled. It had been over a year since I had treated myself to a pampering day. I had lost all track of time and was consumed with other things. A year goes around so fast. I asked Dee how long she had been working at the salon and she told me a year. I could feel the anointing on her hands as she effortlessly massaged my scalp with skill and grace. I let her know right then that there was an anointing on her life. She thanked me and began to open up about the trials, struggles and tribulations those with the anointings have to go through. I was not surprised since I could feel her hands speaking for her. I began to even share some things with her. She asked me what I did for a living and I opened up about what I did for a living and how I tried to quit when I first started for not wanting to deal with the ball of stress it was going to be. I knew I’d made the right choice instantly going with my gut.

After, my hair as washed I sat under the dryer for 20 minutes for a deep condition which I knew I badly needed. My hair automatically felt a ton better once it got the proper conditioner it needed to stay hydrated and healthy. I could tell by the way my hair felt it was thirsty. I needed to get it something to drink. While under the dryer, Dee quickly cut another clients hair. She worked very quickly and was very amicable with every client who walked through the door.

Before I knew it, I was in the chair ready to get my hair blown out and pressed. The process did not take long at all. Our conversations about how different energies match up with one another made the time move by effortlessly. From speaking with her I gathered that Scorpios are energy vampires when it comes to crossing paths with them so many times. I have never had any good experiences when it came to meeting that particular sign of the zodiac.

Dee also reminded me to meditate more and to remove the toxic energy from my life. I told her that she was going to meet her husband this year and she also needed to clear her energy for him to come into her life. There had to be a clear path so room could be made for him to see her. From that day I knew I was placed here to help people redirect their karma for the greater good of mankind. It pays to pamper thyself.